Beaten Down Men

My Dear “Kindred Spirit,”

That’s “Beaten” down men, NOT “Beating” down men. I know some of you women are disappointed.

So I want to know: what on earth have we women done to men?!

I’m serious. This is dreadful.

Last week I was up in the mountains of NH with some of my siblings. We were on vacation at the “Porcupine Freedom Festival” (aka “PorcFest”).

While we were there, we met and got a chance to talk a bit with one of the other attendees. He was an absolute blast not only to hang out with, but also simply to observe. He had a site just across from where we were, and was always doing something.

This guy was quite the entrepreneur. Not only was he vending, but he was doing a darned good job of it, too, and kept coming up with ideas to expand his operation, then working to make those things happen as well.

But the thing that stuck out the most was just how much fun this guy was having! He was alive!! He was talking with people, running his vending booth, coming up with and carrying out all these other ideas, and quite obviously just having the time of his life doing it all!

“He must be single,” one of my brothers said the first time he saw this other attendee. “He doesn’t have that beaten down look about him that married guys have. A married guy wouldn’t be that ‘alive.'”

My brother was right (I slapped him anyway, but he was right).

In fact, I had the same initial impression about this other guy. I didn’t think at the time why, but if you’d asked me, I would have said that he must be single. And my brother put his finger on it exactly:

He wasn’t beaten down.

He was still alive. He was still following his dreams. He was having the time of his life. You don’t see married guys who are that happy, energetic and alive!

You don’t see them often, anyway.

I shouldn’t make the generalization that you never see them, because I have seen some married men who aren’t “beaten down.” Unfortunately, they’re few and far between.

And I’ve also seen a few single guys who do have that “beaten down” air about them. However… *cough, cough* …they’ve generally got a mother or sister playing a pretty big part in their life… (jus’ sayin’).

So what is it about being in a relationship that is giving all these guys a “beaten down” look about them??

Oh, I’m hearing some of you women already:

“It’s not that they’re beaten down! It’s just that they have more responsibility now that they’re in a relationship and have someone else to think about and take care of! And the extra responsibility makes them more settled. So it’s not that they’re beaten down, they’re just more mature and calm and settled since they have more responsibility…”

Horse Hockey.

(I’m starting to sound like my brother… I guess I’m pretty wound up about this one! When I get really excited or upset about something I start ranting like he does. Just like when I’m really happy or proud about something I start smirking like he does. It’s kinda creepy, actually…).

But anyway.

It’s not “extra responsibility.” It’s not being more mature and settled. These guys are beaten down, plain and simple.

And we women are responsible.

This guy that I saw at PorcFest runs a business. Multiple businesses. As a self employed person myself, let me tell you that there’s a lot of responsibility that comes with being a business owner. You can’t tell me that having a girlfriend – or wife – or even wife and family – adds SO much more responsibility that it sucks the life and energy right out of him!

My dear female friends, this isn’t about extra responsibility or “growing up” or being more “settled.” This is about our men feeling worthless and disrespected.

And we are to blame.

I enjoy people watching, and I especially enjoy couple-watching. I love observing couples and seeing how they interact, and how different personalities work (or don’t work) together as a couple.

But as I get a chance to observe more and more couples, it really horrifies and saddens me to see just how badly women these days treat their men. Contempt and disrespect is an epidemic.

We women are beating down our men.

And then, after we beat them down, we shame them for being beaten down. We complain about how they’re not the men they used to be. They’re wimps instead of warriors.

We want them to be our knights in shining armor, but we treat them as though they’re morons in tinfoil.

Girls, I thought we were supposed to be our man’s biggest cheerleader, not his biggest critic!! Whatever happened to helping and supporting??

AAAHHH!! I don’t understand!!

Shouldn’t we be doing our best to show our men how proud we are of them? How much we love and value and respect them? How much we appreciate everything they do for us? Shouldn’t we be trying to encourage and help them pursue their dreams?

So why are we beating them down instead??

And can we please, please just STOP already!!

Thank you!

Love, N.

P.S. Oh, brothers of mine?? (I know you’ll be reading this and cheering me on) So… If I ever find a dude, and you notice him starting to act all beaten down because of me, I hereby give you permission to smack me upside the head and tell me to stop being such a you-know-what.

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