My Dear "Kindred Spirit,"

My Dear “Kindred Spirit,”

My sister probably just had a heart attack when she read that title.

Come now, dearie. Do you have to jump to that conclusion? Would I really do something like that? Just because one of your nicknames is “Princess?”

Ok, fine, I’ve been known to be a horrible sister at times. This isn’t one of those times, though. Moving on.

So I had a dream last night.

No, for real! I’m not making this up. I actually had this dream last night, and I woke up and literally lay in bed for like 20 minutes just thinking about it. It was odd. I don’t usually have dreams (except for when the cousin and I diffuse the wrong brand of lavender oil at bedtime – whew! Can you say “psychedelic?!” [Ok, seriously, I promise I’m not referring to any sort of illicit drugs. When I say diffusing lavender oil I really do just mean diffusing lavender oil, honest!]). And, with or without lavender oil, I definitely don’t usually have this type of super chick-flick-y dreams.

Because it was definitely a chick-flick type dream.

I dreamed about a princess.

Not a “Cinderella” type princess, though… More like a “Cinderella’s evil stepsister” type princess.

She was absolutely gorgeous, no doubt about that – perfect face, features and figure. But she was… well… Bratty.

Spoiled. Selfish. All she could think about was herself. How hard her life was, the things she wanted, the difficulties she had to endure… It was annoying!

You know how sometimes you try to manipulate a dream while you’re dreaming it?

Well, through much of this dream (as I was dreaming it) I kept trying to get some nice girl to show up. Like, maybe the bratty princess’s sweet sister or something, so the prince could see just what a fake this pretty, selfish princess was and choose the good sister instead. Because that’s how the fairy story is supposed to work, right? The good prince doesn’t end up with the evil stepsister! He’s supposed to end up with Cinderella!!

And the prince in this dream was good, no doubt about that… He was the absolute stereotypical Disney prince! Strong, handsome, kind, good, all man… (Not gonna lie, I was swooning a bit).

Folks, he married her.

Yeah. The bratty, selfish princess. He married her!

I couldn’t believe it either, at first.

Because the strange thing is that he didn’t marry her in ignorance of her failings. He saw right through her and knew exactly what she was. He knew she was selfish. And spoiled. And a brat.

He married her anyway.

What really hit me, though, was the joy with which he married her! It wasn’t one of those “It is my duty to marry this dreadful woman and so I’m going to be the honorable prince and marry her for the sake of my family and blah blah blah” things one might expect.

He wanted to marry her. He chose to marry her.

And he absolutely delighted in her! He showered her with love and affirmation and gifts. He protected her, took care of her, treated her like a lady – like his princess!

There was a scene in my dream (this feels really weird, talking about scenes in my dream, but oh well…) where she goes into town on a cold winter day and is wandering around in the shops looking to buy some gloves or something. (It was my hometown she was wandering around, by the way. I recognized the main street and shops. Downtown Canajoharie… Gah. Dreams are weird.)

Anyway. Her prince (by this time husband, actually) follows her into the store and proceeds to buy her the things she wanted and more, despite her throwing a fit and telling him that she can afford her own clothes and for him to leave her alone, etc, etc. He buys the stuff for her anyway, then takes her home (in his horsedrawn carriage! Did I mention dreams are weird?!)

They stop somewhere on the way home, and everyone is watching them. All the people in the town know and love the prince, but have yet to meet this princess – their respected, beloved prince’s bride.

She is acting stuck up and snooty, and even in the midst of my dream I’m cringing, thinking “just get out of there! Don’t embarrass yourself by showing off this woman who really isn’t acting worthy of being shown off!”

But not this prince, and not in this dream!

If he’d been blind to her put-on airs it would have made more sense. But he wasn’t! He knew exactly what was going on. He knew full well that her actions and attitude were not all he as a prince would desire from his bride. But the joy and pride and love in his voice as he proudly presented his new wife to his friends anyway was absolutely astounding!

By this point in the dream, I was completely suckered in. I didn’t want the story to rewind and the prince to find a more deserving woman to marry anymore. I wanted to watch him woo the bratty princess!

I was convinced by now that the bratty princess’s attitude was a facade she had up because she was absolutely terrified that if anyone saw who she really was they would find her lacking.

And I was convinced that the prince was going to work his way through that facade and woo and romance her into the safety and security of his love.

I was sorry that I woke up before he succeeded.

But it did give me those extra 20 minutes to lay in bed, musing over the dream.

Yeah, I’m about to dissect and analyze and “everthang.” Sorry. You’ve been warned.

But really – it’s like God and us!

Cuz I don’t know about you, but I am definitely that bratty princess at times.

Mostly because I get scared and I feel like such a fake.

I wake up one day to find myself a princess, married to a prince. It’s a dream come true, right?

Right…

Well, it is a dream come true. That God – my prince – chose me! That I get to be his princess! That I am the object of his affections. He chose me, he delights in me, he showers me with love and affirmation. He shows me off to everyone: “look, my bride! My delight and joy! Isn’t she wonderful?! Isn’t she gorgeous?! I love her more than life itself!!”

It’s terrifying!

What if he sees what I really am? What happens when he finds out that I’m really selfish and snooty? That I’m kinda a brat? I’m not gorgeous and perfect, I’m just a human girl! What happens when that truth comes out!? When he finds out how broken and bruised and stained and tarnished I really am, what then? What will happen to that look of love and admiration when he realizes what I really am? I’m no princess, I’m just an imposter! I’m a fake!

So I draw myself up behind my facade and go all bratty princess on everyone, terrified that someone is going to call my bluff, see me for what I really am, and my prince will toss me out on the street in disgust.

But I’m forgetting one key thing:

He already knows!

He already knows what I am!

He sees straight through me. I’m not hiding anything from him with all my airs and graces and my sky-high facade. He already knows I’m no princess! He knows I’m bruised and broken and tarnished and nothing close to perfect.

And he doesn’t care!

Somehow in my mind I think that because I have been given the title of “princess” that I have to be deserving of that title. I don’t! I’m not deserving of that title. I didn’t win it of my own merit. I am a princess, but not of my own right. I am a princess because I am married to the prince.

I am a princess because I have been chosen, romanced, and wooed by my prince to be his princess.

It’s mind blowing!

Dang, that was a good dream! Now I feel all pretty and princess-y. 🙂

Love, N.

P.S. Happy dreams!